


It's Just Emotion Taking Me Over

by candesgirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Merry Month of Masturbation Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-25
Updated: 2012-03-25
Packaged: 2017-11-02 12:03:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/368782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/candesgirl/pseuds/candesgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel doesn't know what to do with his emotions. He's jealous. He's turned on. He masturbates...for the first time. (Wow, corny summary is corny. Sorry.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Just Emotion Taking Me Over

He's drowning in a swirl of emotions, entirely human feelings brought on by too much time in his borrowed body, too much time with these creatures and their habits and their sheer degenerative nature. It hits him like a ton of bricks, he thinks, and there's another thing brought on by too much one on one time with the one who was once just his charge - figures of speech. None of them, not one of them, speaks constantly in phrases he can understand, instead opting for silly puns and entirely too colorful words, inane things that only serve to cover up constant, tragic and traitorous feeling. 

These...feelings. He doesn't want them, didn't ask for them or any of this, certainly didn't ask to be surrounded by broken humans and their demon friends. He laughs then, realizes he's pacing the room, this room at what could be any cheap motel across God's Green Earth and there's another one of those ridiculous sounding colloquialisms and he's laughing, loud and human at himself. Of course Dean would make quick friends with the demon Crowley, so much alike with their crass humor and inappropriate innuendo and apparent inability to be loyal to any one being. Crowley's a demon, should be fighting for Lucifer's side and Dean, Dean should be by Castiel's side like Castiel's always been by his. 

He wonders, and isn't that an amazing gift his Father granted these beings - wonder, if Dean is looking for him, if Dean thinks he's dead, if Dean shed a single tear before falling in line with or maybe into bed, and what a particularly silly metaphor that is, with Crowley. He closes his eyes at unbidden images, filthy things that no angel has a right to look upon, flash before him and before he has time to think that yes he's even thinking in analogies and figures of speech he's kicked in the bathroom door out of anger and confusion. He can see it - see them, Dean and Crowley - clear as day, bright as the sun, cheap as a whore. Dean on his knees, blasphemous as Crowley calls out to the God who forsakes him; Crowley's thick, tricky fingers pulling too tight at Dean's hair. He opens his eyes, blinks furiously against the unwanted visions, grasps tight with one hand at the sink in the bathroom while he sees himself through the mirror, sees this face he wears, flushed and weary. 

He steadies himself against the gritty porcelain as he sinks deeper, as the hatred and anger coil tightly in his chest, forming a new emotion he's unable to name. It feels like something is eating at his host's insides as the picture of Dean and Crowley becomes brighter. He closes his eyes to it again, no longer able to look upon his image in the mirror, and instead of Dean kneeling before Crowley he sees himself, replaces demon with angel and that volatile knot in his chest moves lower, taking on a different sort of heat altogether. 

Castiel grasps himself hard with his free hand, squeezes as if he could stop the flow of blood or fight back the not entirely unwelcome want that floods his very human veins. He gasps loudly, releases himself as he looks in the mirror, watches as he grips hardened flesh again, over pants that feel too tight, too wrong, as his touch becomes too much, too fast. He rubs furiously, cries out Dean's name in Jimmy's familiar voice as tension radiates throughout his body and explodes in a vision of white light and release before his knees buckle and he falls to the floor.


End file.
